It’s that time of night where I have to decide whether to send R an email to cancel tomorrow’s plans on the grounds that I’ll probably be a zombie/an Immovable Bed Lump or to hold out & hope that seeing a friend & watching silly TV shows will give me the will to live/get out of bed tomorrow.
Monday-Tuesday I slept for 18 hours straight & then yesterday I sleep for about my usual 12 but when I woke up at 2pm I proceeded to lie in bed for 4 hours & refuse to eat until Robyn came home & forcibly put food in my hands. Not for any particular reason, just because I didn’t think it was worthwhile getting out of bed or fuelling my body. When S comes around tomorrow night to help me clean the house she’s going to find me wearing the same clothes I was wearing last time she saw me on Monday - I haven’t had the energy to change.
I know that this is “just” depression but even though I’ve been struggling with it for over 15 years I still get so angry (well, despondently upset) when it gets this bad with no discernible cause. My week has been pretty good! I’ve seen some friends, got some GOOD health news for the first time in forever, eaten some tasty food, Robyn finishes her probation period at work tomorrow, my Dad’s coming to visit on the weekend. I should be feeling better than this. I DO have so much that’s worth living for but I just can’t convince my body of that. (I’m not suicidal, just sad & lethargic)
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I really need to work on getting a new psychologist. And/or replacing my psychiatrist. I’ve let my mental health alone for waaaaaaay too long while I focused on my physical crap & now I’m reaping the rewards of that stupidity.
This week we focus on Osh-Tisch, whose name translates to “Finds Them and Kills Them” in Crow. Osh-Tisch was a male-bodied person who lived as a woman, and was one of the last Crow Nation baté (Two Spirit spiritual leaders) – oh, and you can be sure, she earned her name.
She is also far from the only awesome lady in this story.
“Johnnie Phelps, a woman sergeant in the army, thought, “There was a tolerance for lesbianism if they needed you. The battalion I was in was probably about ninety-seven percent lesbian.”
Sergeant Phelps worked for General Eisenhower. Four decades after Eisenhower had defeated the Axis powers, Phelps recalled an extraordinary event. One day, the general told her, “I’m giving you an order to ferret those lesbians out. We’re going to get rid of them.”
“I looked at him and then I looked at his secretary who was standing next to me, and I said, ‘Well, sir, if the general pleases, sir, I’ll be happy to do this investigation for you. But you have to know that the first name on the list will be mine.’ “
“And he was kind of taken aback a bit. And then this women standing next to me said, ‘Sir, if the General pleases, you must be aware that Sergeant Phelp’s name may be second, but mine will be first.”
“Then I looked at him, and said, ‘Sir, you’re right. They’re lesbians in the WAC battalion. And if the general is prepared to replace all the file clerks, all the section commanders, all the drivers-every woman in the WAC detachment-and there were about nine hundred and eighty something of us-then I’ll be happy to make that list. But I think the general should be aware that among those women are the most highly decorated women in the war. There have been no cases of illegal pregnancy. There have been no cases of AWOL. There have been no cases of misconduct. And as a matter of fact, every six months since we’ve been here, the general has awarded us a commendation for meritorious conduct.”
“And he said, ‘Forget the order.’””—
Phelps tells this story herself in the excellent 1984 documentary Before Stonewall, which you can watch in its entirety on YouTube (she’s at 19:30, but really, watch the whole thing): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kX7AxQd82H8